So, it’s been two months since I officially quit my job and began a writing career. That being said, I have not been writing much in the last two months. Sad, I know. Not really the way you want to start off your career. But, here’s the thing, this following your dreams thing is a LOT harder than it seems.
I mean, I guess we all know this, or everyone would be doing their “dream job” and no one would be working at call centers (sorry if a call center is actually your dream job). I quit my job July 1st, directly in the middle of summer, with two loud, crazy, attention requiring boys in my home. Do you know how much you can accomplish when WWE is occurring directly above your office? Not much. I would write an email to the sounds of screaming, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. It’s not really a creative utopia. I probably sent emails to editors full of “stop” and “don’t hit your brother” mixed into my pitch. I honestly have no idea.
However, this really isn’t the difficult part. I truly had a moment in July where I thought, now what? I have been dreaming and planning and talking this through for months, but now what? What does this dream really look like for me? Is it regurgitating material for other people, or is it putting pen to paper? It’s actually fingers to keyboard, but that doesn’t sound as poetic. Is it creating my own work from my own thoughts? So, I am a freelance writer, to make some money (very little) but I am writing my novel. This is not truly what I intended this to be when I turned in my letter of resignation on July 1st. But here I am.
The other side of this is it is really really difficult to not listen to the voices that tell me it’s never going to work. They are in my head, and they are out in the world, but they say it nonetheless. Do you know how hard it is to be a published author? Do you know it takes YEEEARS (that’s actually how they say it) to get a book published? Very few actually make it. Listen, I know this. I’m not trying to be famous. I am not trying to get a movie deal. I am not trying to write the next Great American Novel; however I have read a lot of them, and we need some new ones. I am trying to write a book. I want to publish a book with a big publisher and have people actually read it. And with the grace of God, I may actually get to write another one. But, it’s not easy to tune out the noise. It’s not easy to not give in and agree with the voices. “Who do I think I am to write a book?” A lot of times I do not have the answer to that question.
You know though, I am me, and I know I can do this. So, I’m doing it. It’s terrifying. It’s difficult. It may take years, but it will be accomplished. Because I believe in myself and I believe this is what I am meant to do. What are you thinking you could never do? What voices are you listening to? We only get one shot at this, you might as well enjoy it, right?